Financial Coach Shares 8 Ways to Ease Money Talks

Financial coach Sara Jane Maxwell says the common belief that talking about money is rude creates shame and secrecy, making honest conversations with a partner difficult. She explains that differing family backgrounds and attitudes to risk mean couples often enter relationships with completely different money mindsets.

Maxwell, founder of Wealth Coach, argues that building trust on this topic is key for handling financial challenges fairly. She shared eight key tips with Psychologies magazine to help couples make these discussions easier and less stressful.

Start with Self-Reflection

The first step is to examine your own relationship with money. Maxwell observes that long-term couples can be quick to discuss each other's issues but hesitant to explore their own. A tendency to save, for instance, might stem from personal insecurity rather than simple prudence. Recognizing these personal beliefs and behaviors is essential for understanding how they shape financial communication within the relationship.

Adapt to Communication Styles

Understanding each other's preferred ways of communicating can pave the way for harder talks. Maxwell suggests asking, "How is our communication right now?" and working on that foundation before diving into heavy details. She recommends using "I"statements to express needs without accusation, such as explaining that morning money talks cause day-long stress and proposing to find a mutually better time."It's trying to look at the past and asking, 'How do I learn from it?'" she says. This approach helps each person change positively for shared good outcomes.

Establish Shared Goals and Rituals

Focusing on shared goals provides motivation. Maxwell asks couples to identify the wish behind the work, like taking a dream holiday or entering a new year with savings instead of debt. To make discussions routine, she strongly advocates for setting regular 'money dates'.

These dedicated sessions should be a specific, habitual time, such as the first Sunday of the month. Maxwell recommends keeping them short, around 15 to 20 minutes initially. Each date should have a priority task, include mutual congratulations, and end with something fun to build a positive habit. The core is sharing and listening, acknowledging that desires will differ and compromise is needed.

She advises against tackling everything at once and instead agreeing on a focus for each session. Celebrating progress is also vital; couples should ask how they like to be congratulated, whether through sharing with friends or simple words of acknowledgment.

The article concludes by noting the importance of recognizing financial abuse, where a partner controls spending or account access. It directs readers to resources for advice and support if they do not feel safe having these conversations.