Study: Dating motivation shapes relationship
New psychology research finds that single people's underlying motivations for seeking a partnership directly influence the type of relationship goals they
A new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science finds that why single people want a relationship dictates both the goals they set and their success in reaching them. The research, led by University of Toronto PhD student Laura Hawkins, categorizes dating motivations on a spectrum from internal to external drives.
Self-determination theory provides the framework. It suggests motivations range from actions taken for pure enjoyment to those driven by external pressure. Previous research has shown that internal drives lead to greater well-being and goal progress than actions fueled by guilt or social expectations. This new work applies that concept specifically to single adults and their romantic pursuits.
The motivation framework
The study categorizes why singles might seek a relationship. Intrinsic motivation means enjoying relationships for their own sake. Identified motivation involves personally valuing partnership. Introjected motivation involves acting to avoid guilt or to boost self-worth. External motivation means acting due to social pressure. Finally, amotivation refers to a complete lack of desire for a partner.
Researchers recruited 4,019 single adults aged 18 to 39. Participants completed a baseline survey measuring their motivations and wrote up to three personal relationship goals for the next six months. The team categorized roughly 12,000 written goals into 41 distinct themes, such as going on dates, building intimacy, improving finances, or remaining single.
How motivation shapes goals
The results showed a clear link between motivation type and goal content. Singles driven by intrinsic or identified motivations set goals focused on high-quality connections. They aimed for fun, emotional intimacy, and healthy, committed partnerships. These groups were far less likely to list remaining single as a primary goal.
In contrast, those with introjected motivation-seeking validation or acting from fear-focused more on securing any relationship than on its quality. Their goals often involved going on dates, having sex, socializing, or improving physical attractiveness and self-confidence. They were less likely to prioritize building intimacy, sharing a home, or finding a healthy relationship.
External motivation, or dating to appease others, was mainly linked to the goal of going on dates. Amotivation was strongly associated with a desire to remain single or setting no relationship goals at all.
Progress after six months
Six months later, 3,176 participants returned for a follow-up. They rated their progress on each initial goal from zero to 100 percent. On average, participants reported a 41.7 percent completion rate across their goals.
The findings revealed significant differences in success. Introjected motivation was linked to making less progress on relationship goals over the six-month period. "You would think that entering a relationship is easier than entering a quality relationship," said Hawkins. "But one finding that surprised me was that singles who simply wanted to enter a relationship (irrespective of quality) actually made less progress on this goal."
Hawkins suggested an ironic twist. "We think part of the reason this may be is because these singles are fundamentally pursuing partnership to improve their self-image, which may hinder their ability to build a romantic connection," she said. "So, the reason they want a relationship may actually be driving potential partners away."
Amotivated singles, who often aimed to remain single, reported the highest amount of progress among all groups. "Not every single wants to partner!" Hawkins pointed out. "Our data suggests singles who did not want to partner were not necessarily relationally avoidant, but rather, actively pursuing singlehood."
The study notes limitations. It did not examine how factors like age, gender, sexual orientation, or culture might change these patterns. Goal progress was self-reported, which can be subjective. Also, goal difficulty varied widely; staying single is a solo achievement, while finding a healthy relationship requires another person's cooperation. The high success rate for amotivated singles might simply reflect that their goal was easier to accomplish.
The research aligns with earlier findings that autonomous motives support positive romantic outcomes. Hawkins concludes the answer to finding "the one" might lie inward. Why you want partnership shapes the quality of the relationship you seek.
